did i just say that outloud?

Since we don't do tv The Monkeys are book obsessed. Ella likes the pages in her books that deal with a strong emotion like fear or sadness. So if there's a page where someone is getting the bejeezus scared out of them or where a kid is weeping hysterically Ella is all in it. Soap Operas and telenovellas are so in her future!

They just got a new book about this middle-aged duck named Lottie who gets a new towel. In the middle of the story Lottie is on a nice, peaceful picnic with her middle-aged friend Chuck when a weeping bride, followed by her whole wedding party, dashes by chasing her veil which is ultimately lost in the wind. The poor little Flower Girl gets trampled in the melee. The Bride is distraught! How can I possibly be married without my veil! The Groom assures her the wedding can go on! This part of the story is told in 4 comic book style panels and the weeping Flower Girl gets her own box, "Oh no! What do we do now??"

Ella LOVES this page. "Let's talk about it" she says.

Well, I give her my best sportscaster blow-by-blow and play up the part where the adults trample the poor little Flower Girl and soil her pretty dress (yes, I am feeding this whole princess thing and it's going to bite me in the ass...more on that later).

And then Ella surprises me - she wants to know why the Flower Girl drops the petals on the aisle....hmmm.....I know it's a tradition but I couldn't for the life of me remember the origins. There's a very direct line of protocol in these situations. I ask Monica. If she doesn't know, I go over her head and ask her mother. Just so you know, Monica and all her siblings are excellent partners in Trivia Pursuit -- the obscure knowledge this family carries around is truly remarkable. But the kids, they definitely inherited this gift from their mother. And she's got a good 20 years of life experience on them. So, if Monica doesn't know I call Charlotte. Let me tell you, I've been doing this for years. And I'm not alone. Charlotte's abundance of knowledge is well known amongst friends and family.

Anyway, I say to the girls, "Let's call Memere! She'll know why a Flower Girl is a Flower Girl."

I get Monica's sister, Auntie Yvonne. I ask her. And she starts up with some cockamamie line about how it's so it'll smell good when the Bride walks down the aisle...and I say:

"Oh, c'mon! You just pulled that out of your butt. Put your mother on the phone."

The next thing I know, Ella is saying in her special high-pitched voice she uses for when she's being funny. "YOU just PULLED that. OUT. OF. YOUR. BUTT!"

Well, that has Yvonne and I cracking up. And then Yvonne handa the phone to Memere so she can hear Ella say it. And then the phone goes back to Auntie Yvonne so she can hear it again. And then I, through tears, call Monica into the room so she can hear it. Well, Zoe is not one to miss out on a good time so she chimed in:

"I just PULLED that out of YOUR BUTT!"

And when I tried to explain to her that it was "YOU just pulled that out of YOUR butt." She came back with:

"I just pulled that out of MY butt." Nice correction, kid!

This went on for a few more minutes. I even took the time to explain to them the correct moment to use that phrase. And while Monica was half-heartedly reprimanding me for giving the girls such a gem (Monica doesn't like the phrases "butt" or "boobies" and prefers "anus" and "breasts"...personally, I like butt over anus but that's just me.) Her sister Yvonne, God love her, tells me on the other end of the phone "Oh, is that coming from someone who yelled 'BULL SHIT!' in the middle of Religion class?"

Nice one, Yvonne! I owe you for that!


Richpoo said...
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